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In Praise of Christian Diabolism
by Margaret D. Stetz.
“It was Milton,” he certificatively added,
“who converted me to Diabolism.”
Praise god and Satan! We glorify the name of Enoch
Soames! In commemoration of his life and work, I give you the testimony
of our members.
Thank you, Enoch, for showing us the way. How,
we asked in our ignorance and confusion, would it be possible for us
to claim to follow the Lord and still do the Devil’s bidding? How
could we speak of loving humankind, yet enjoy the chance to damn people
to Hell? How might we demonstrate our scorn for worldly things, while
increasing our political influence in the U. S. and getting our own
Television stations?
From Enoch came the answer: “Catholic
Diabolism”. Enoch Soames led us through the wilderness to prove
that no idea is too far-fetched, no prejudice too offensive, and no
position too hypocritical, to those who have faith.
We have followed his example of “trusting
and encouraging” the Devil, while calling ourselves Christians.
We are, praise God and Satan, the Christian Diabolist Coalition, and
our numbers in the United States are growing every day.
Like Enoch, we believe wholeheartedly in ourselves,
for our wisdom and vision are greater than everyone else’s. Enoch,
it is said, “never sought to propitiate his fellow-writers, never
bated a jot of his arrogance about his own work or of his contempt for
theirs.” And why shouldn’t we look down on everybody else,
too?
Other people might tolerate those who disagree
with them, but, like Enoch, we don’t. Instead, we of the Christian
Diabolist Coalition despise everyone else who has ever been. To have
been is unrighteous. To have been is unclean. We believe in the holiness
of the Unbeen. We would rather shout and picket and kill, to protect
the rights of the Unbeen.
It has been said that for Enoch Soames, “Diabolism
seemed to be a cheerful, even a wholesome, influence in his life.”
So, when we shout and picket and kill, we try to smile.
What inspirational words Enoch has given us,
in his poem called “To a Young Woman”: “Thou hast not
been nor art!”
Enoch loved the Unbeen, and so do we. We hope
to step up our campaign to make more things Unbeen soon. There are lots
of books, films, and television programs, for example, that will soon
be joining the ranks of the Unbeen, with our help. And you won’t
miss them anyway, for as Enoch has told us, everything after Milton
is “second-rate”.
The only thing we love more than the Unbeen
is those who are Been Again. And with the Devil’s blessing, Enoch
Soames is Been Again in 1997. Truly, this is a miracle.
But those of you who have been to our sister-
tabernacle in Preston on the site of Enoch’s birthplace, know that
miracles happen there everyday. Through the mighty force of Enoch’s
spirit, children with unsightly teeth have grown caps on them, bald
men have grown hair implants, and women with torn and ragged cuticles
have grown acrylic nails. Great are the Wonders that we have been shown.
In the wicked days of Oscar Wilde and Aubrey
Beardsley, Enoch Soames sailed unbesmirched through the rivers of moral
pollution, by waterproofing his cape. The vile lusts of a lifestyle
incompatible with Christian Diabolist teachings rolled off his waterproof
back.
Oh yes, there were doubters and enemies, even
then. Some of you may have read that Enoch was ignored and insulted
by a man named “Rothenstein”. He said that Enoch did not exist.
But who cares what he said? In a good Christian Diabolist country like
England, you don’t find people having a celebration and putting
together volumes in tribute to somebody named “Rothenstein”,
do you?
So do not heed the blasphemers, who said that
“poor old Soames was really a rather tragic figure.” Enoch’s
legacy is everywhere. No, his name isn’t in the British Library
catalogue. But that thing is just full of books, and, as everyone knows,
books don’t matter any more.
In 1997, Enoch is Been Again in newspapers,
on the radio, and, best of all, on the Internet. Today, his name can
be accessed around the world, linked up to our Christian Diabolist Coalition
web site. For as the prophet foretold, “Life is web, and therein
nor warp nor woof is, but web only.”
And soon, thanks to Enoch, we will have you
all in our web.
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